Chairman Joe Sweeney made the fatal mistake of shouting ‘Order,Order,Order’ when trying to get the meeting started.

The only printable responses to his plea were ‘I’ll have a pint’, ‘Same for me, Joe’ and ‘Two halves of lager and a packet of crisps’.

‘Smokin’ Joe’ was the only man in town who could keep a Woodbine on the go whilst chewing a pork pie, supping a pint of ale and talking…..all at the same time. Not a pretty sight.

Even worse if you sat within five yards’ range of his coughing and spluttering.

The scene resembled something from The Wheel Tappers and Shunters Club rather than the Pooltown FC AGM.

Still, issues had to be sorted out, none more so than who should sponsor the home kit.

A decision had to be made between ‘Alice’s Tarts and Fairy Cakes’ or ‘Brandwood’s Tackle and Bait Shop.

Both names hardly trickled off the tongue.

What’s more, footballers weren’t too keen at the time of having either ‘Tarts and Fairy’ pasted on their shirts or even ‘Tackle and Bait’ emblazoned on their shorts.

“What we need is a strip that captures attention and costs us nothing,” said Joe, “And if that means being called tarts, fairies or treacle toffees, I don’t give a flying ….. Well anyway, I won’t swear but you know what I’m saying.”

Everyone was very clear. Joe had made his point. What he said went and if you didn’t back him, you went.

You see Joe owned the land where Pooltown FC played. No vote Joe, no play football.

It was finally decided that the club be sponsored by the local barber’s, ‘Johnnies’.

Perhaps they hadn’t given it enough thought especially when later in the season some bright spark inscribed a new motto under their crest, which read: ‘Johnnies: Buy Me and Stop One’.

After half an hour the meeting was getting rather out-of-hand.

We all know meetings should be ‘dry’, that is no beer, shorts or lager.

Glasses were clinking, booze was slopping over the tables and fag ash was decorating the sausage rolls.

But when the door opened, silence reigned.

Cheryl had made her grand entrance to the proceedings………

To be continued tomorrow……..

Peter H












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