I’m sick and tired of hearing about how Neymar can do an overhead kick with his eyes closed.

It’s ok for him to show off his Brazilian skills but I’m talking about real football played on a pitch where cows fear to tread.

My name is Tommy Hykeham and me and my mates at the Lincoln Gladiators FC roll our sleeves up every Saturday afternoon and play on a pitch where the local farmer grows turnips.

Take my mate Basher Bill Brayford…..please.

When he does a slide tackle he ends up in the terraces complete with the ball and the opposing striker.

Now that’s what I call skill!

Then there’s Lanky Larry Lindum more commonly known as the ‘Coathanger’.

He’s so tall his nose starts bleeding when he goes up for a header!

But these are my mates and we play the beautiful game how it should be played.

Fire and brimstone, that’s us.

Anyway tomorrow we are up against top-of-the-table Grimsdyke United in their fancy blue and green strips sponsored by the local theatre company

We are proud to don the colours of the Lincoln Gladiators complete with  sleeves  touching finger tips  and  shorts touching ankles.

What’s more when we waddle on to the pitch in our lime green and purple tops the crowd of two hardy spectators seem to love the sight that greets them.

‘Strength and honour’ don’t come into it.

Our motto is ‘UP AND AT’EM’.

That’s what we do.

Ok so we may be propping up the table but we know there is only one way to go.

Tomorrow we are determined to make up the 20 points’ deficit on the second-bottom team in the league.

Find out how we got on in Monday’s match report on SportsLinc.








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