Spray-tanned women strut round the ring in their skin-tight dresses gulping weird coloured cocktails.
The public address system is far too loud as the floor vibrates to the booming cacophony of the announcement.
Enter the gladiators.
“Ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome to the ring, all the way from Knotty Ash, it’s Barry ‘Bad Boy’ Biggins.
“And in the blue corner, making his professional debut, please give a big cheer to local hero, Jimmy ‘Jack-in-the-Box’ Jackson.”
Drinks spill over the plastic ‘glasses’. Smoke rises from outside the main entrance where those brave enough to light up in the pouring rain find their ‘tan’ running down their ankles.
After a four-hour wait the main bout lasts less than five minutes but that doesn’t stop the crowd going wild.
Oh joy. Oh happiness. He has won!
The evening is a mixture of The Only Way is Essex and Saturday Night and Sunday Morning.
One thing is guaranteed. It won’t be just the boxers who have sore heads in the morning!